It was on March 26 or six months and one and a half weeks ago when I learned that I had this nasty virus in my system and for the next several weeks after that fateful day, I went through a range of emotions - grief, anger, guilt, self-pity, numbness....been there, done that, so to speak.
Even if I had been counseled and briefed by the nurse who talked to me after I was told of the reactive result of the rapid test, I was scared shit of what's in store for me. Will I live a "normal" life from then on? Am I going to die anytime soon? What will my family and friends say if they knew? How could I have allowed this to happen? So many questions in my mind that needed answers. Good thing my partner was there to comfort me as he continuously assured me that nothing has changed and he is standing by me despite my medical condition.
But everything just fell in the right places and at the right time. I was living a "normal" life again by seeing to it that I adhere to my medical regimen and to a healthy lifestyle. There were minor setbacks but I overcame them. Circumstances happened that allowed me to come out to my family and to selected friends in and out of the gay community and in return, I got so much love and support from them. I have embarked and continue to carry out my personal advocacy for HIV/Aids awareness in my own little way. It warms my heart whenever I am told or when I receive email from pozzies and those who are negative of the virus how much I inspire them after reading my blog. Being able to assist pozzies, especially the new ones who need advice, guidance, assurance and encouragement, makes me happy and bring a smile to my face.
Right now, I can say I have happily embraced my health status. The proof of it is that there are times I even forget that I am HIV-positive. This is one instance when forgetting can be a good thing. It is the minor ailments related to my medical condition and scheduled visits to my treatment hub that remind me of it - that "bring me back to earth."
The bottom-line is that inspite of this challenge, I am moving on with life.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Petition to replenish the Global Fund
Reposted from fellow poz bloggers
If you are taking advantage of the free antiretrovirals (ARVs) in the Philippines or would like to take advantage of it when your CD4 falls below 500, then we need your help.
World leaders are meeting up in New York, USA on October 4 and 5, 2010 to announce their financial contributions to the Global Fund to fight Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (Aids), tuberculosis and malaria for the next three years.
in order to maintain, accelerate and effectively implement its programs, Global Fund needs US$20 billion.
We need to ensure that the world leaders uphold their promises to provide treatment and care to the millions living with and/or affected by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and Aids, tuberculosis and malaria. Let them know that we are watching them. Let us demand that they commit the US$20 billion needed by Global Fund.
Show them that we care for the millions who will die without the Global Fund programs. Do this by following the link and signing the petition.
www.globalfundreplenishment.org/sign-on-letter/
Please send it to your friends, families, colleagues and networks and encourage them to sign up too.
500,000 signatures are need by Thursday, September 30, 2010!
The petition will be delivered to world leaders at the Replenishment Meeting, and is one of a number of actions that will be occurring around the world in the lead-up to the meeting.
For more information on how your participation will make a difference, go to www.globalfundreplenishment.org.
If you are taking advantage of the free antiretrovirals (ARVs) in the Philippines or would like to take advantage of it when your CD4 falls below 500, then we need your help.
World leaders are meeting up in New York, USA on October 4 and 5, 2010 to announce their financial contributions to the Global Fund to fight Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (Aids), tuberculosis and malaria for the next three years.
in order to maintain, accelerate and effectively implement its programs, Global Fund needs US$20 billion.
We need to ensure that the world leaders uphold their promises to provide treatment and care to the millions living with and/or affected by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and Aids, tuberculosis and malaria. Let them know that we are watching them. Let us demand that they commit the US$20 billion needed by Global Fund.
Show them that we care for the millions who will die without the Global Fund programs. Do this by following the link and signing the petition.
www.globalfundreplenishment.org/sign-on-letter/
Please send it to your friends, families, colleagues and networks and encourage them to sign up too.
500,000 signatures are need by Thursday, September 30, 2010!
The petition will be delivered to world leaders at the Replenishment Meeting, and is one of a number of actions that will be occurring around the world in the lead-up to the meeting.
For more information on how your participation will make a difference, go to www.globalfundreplenishment.org.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Alarming
I had a recent conversation with the top honcho of Pinoy Plus, a non-government organization (NGO) that caters to and supports people living with HIV (PLHIV) or pozzies, if you may.
He revealed that this year, the country registered the highest increase of HIV cases on a per day basis. I repeat, per day not per month. And whereas migrant workers was the sector where most HIV cases were recorded in the past, it has now shifted to the MSM or men who have sex with men group. Not only that, transmission has become more localized.
He also said that in previous years, the country would only have one case of HIV recorded a day. It became two cases a day starting early this year and then last May, it jumped to five cases per day. New infections make up most of the new cases while the rest are long-time carriers of the virus who only knew about their status recently when they decided to take a HIV test after becoming more aware of the need to know their status.
If it is any consolation, he added, the Philippines still has one of the lowest prevalence rate of HIV/Aids cases in the world.
Much really needs to be done to stem the continuing rise of HIV cases in the country. This can be done through an aggressive promotion of the awareness of HIV/Aids in the country by the public and private sectors. We should all act now lest we see a HIV/Aids epidemic blow up in our faces in the near future.
He revealed that this year, the country registered the highest increase of HIV cases on a per day basis. I repeat, per day not per month. And whereas migrant workers was the sector where most HIV cases were recorded in the past, it has now shifted to the MSM or men who have sex with men group. Not only that, transmission has become more localized.
He also said that in previous years, the country would only have one case of HIV recorded a day. It became two cases a day starting early this year and then last May, it jumped to five cases per day. New infections make up most of the new cases while the rest are long-time carriers of the virus who only knew about their status recently when they decided to take a HIV test after becoming more aware of the need to know their status.
If it is any consolation, he added, the Philippines still has one of the lowest prevalence rate of HIV/Aids cases in the world.
Much really needs to be done to stem the continuing rise of HIV cases in the country. This can be done through an aggressive promotion of the awareness of HIV/Aids in the country by the public and private sectors. We should all act now lest we see a HIV/Aids epidemic blow up in our faces in the near future.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Unexpected
What I thought was going to be an uneventful evening at work turned out otherwise. The surprise that left me speechless for several seconds wasn't even work-related but involved coming out regarding my medical condition to my 19-year-old nephew.
First off, let me say that this nephew of mine is my godchild. He is the eldest of my younger sister's two kids. He WAS a black sheep in our family, so much so that he gave his mother, stepfather, us - his uncle and aunt, and younger brother heartaches and headache. I say WAS because we've noticed a welcome change in his behavior and his dealings with us recently.
I was online at Facebook when a chat window popped up. It was my nephew. Right after the hi's and hellos, he told me straight-up that his stepfather revealed my medical status to him. I was shocked and I didn't reply for almost a minute. I didn't know what to say. I was unsure how he would take it if I confirmed that I was positive for HIV, emotional and easily impressionable as he was at his age, and I was also afraid that I would lose his respect for me. I also didn't know the level of knowledge he had about HIV.
My nephew said his stepfather had to tell him my status after he insisted on knowing what it was when his stepdad committed a slip of the tongue and mentioned that I was ill. Bothered by what his stepdad said, he pestered his stepfather for days about what exactly I was ill of.
My nephew told me he felt bad with me, his mom and stepdad because we did not tell him about it right away. I had to explain to him that I had left it to his mother and stepdad the decision whether or not to tell him and his brother about my medical condition and it wasn't that easy to reveal.
I apologized that we had to keep it a secret from his at first and he understood. But what touched me the most was when he said he has been praying for me. I was teary-eyed.
I tried to gauge his level of knowledge about HIV and I could say he knows relatively well about it, presumably because he had been briefed by his stepdad about it. He only asked about the antiretrovirals that I was taking and what was it for.
Our conversation ended on a nice note and on hindsight, I was relieved that my nephew took it well and I have his love and support.
First off, let me say that this nephew of mine is my godchild. He is the eldest of my younger sister's two kids. He WAS a black sheep in our family, so much so that he gave his mother, stepfather, us - his uncle and aunt, and younger brother heartaches and headache. I say WAS because we've noticed a welcome change in his behavior and his dealings with us recently.
I was online at Facebook when a chat window popped up. It was my nephew. Right after the hi's and hellos, he told me straight-up that his stepfather revealed my medical status to him. I was shocked and I didn't reply for almost a minute. I didn't know what to say. I was unsure how he would take it if I confirmed that I was positive for HIV, emotional and easily impressionable as he was at his age, and I was also afraid that I would lose his respect for me. I also didn't know the level of knowledge he had about HIV.
My nephew said his stepfather had to tell him my status after he insisted on knowing what it was when his stepdad committed a slip of the tongue and mentioned that I was ill. Bothered by what his stepdad said, he pestered his stepfather for days about what exactly I was ill of.
My nephew told me he felt bad with me, his mom and stepdad because we did not tell him about it right away. I had to explain to him that I had left it to his mother and stepdad the decision whether or not to tell him and his brother about my medical condition and it wasn't that easy to reveal.
I apologized that we had to keep it a secret from his at first and he understood. But what touched me the most was when he said he has been praying for me. I was teary-eyed.
I tried to gauge his level of knowledge about HIV and I could say he knows relatively well about it, presumably because he had been briefed by his stepdad about it. He only asked about the antiretrovirals that I was taking and what was it for.
Our conversation ended on a nice note and on hindsight, I was relieved that my nephew took it well and I have his love and support.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Life is a..... beach
Two weekends ago, my partner and I were resting on White Beach in Boracay. As I gazed at the horizon, I could not help but be thankful for that travel opportunity that I initially thought had fizzled after I learned that I was HIV-positive because of the uncertainty of the times that lay ahead. We had planned this trip last year yet to coincide with our second anniversary as a couple and during the long weekend as a result of National Heroes Day falling on a Monday.
But last June, my partner decided to work on that travel plan when my health checkups had stabilized. It was going to be his first time in Boracay while it was going to be my second visit. I first stepped on the white fine sand of White Beach in 2007 and I was alone on that trip. It was supposed to be a trip for me and partner that year but we broke up before the trip so I had to go alone. In a way, the Boracay sojourn then served as healing time for me.
Anyway, last August 27, my partner and I were all packed and ready to go. I was groggy from the ARVs I took and I haven't slept yet as I had come from work the previous night. We brought along our "child", a stuffed tiger toy we named Pepeton (he looks like Tigger in Winnie the Pooh). We got at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (Naia) 3 three hours ahead of our flight time (11:30 a.m.) so we had snacks at the mezzanine lounge. We checked in our luggage, had snacks again and then waited for our flight. We left Naia 3 on time and landed almost an hour after at Caticlan. We were met by the land transfer representative and then checked into the hotel. After dumping our bags, we both proceeded to White Beach and walked from D'Mall area in Station 2 to the end of Station 3 and back. We went back to the hotel where I slept while my partner took photos of the beach and of Pepeton on the beach as well. Cute. :)
The next day, our second anniversary, we walked from D'Mall up to the grotto in Station 1 and back. Went for a swim, had lunch, went to the hotel for a nap and to cap off the evening, we had dinner in Aria, one of the fancy Italian restoes there and a night cap in Juice Bar.
August 29, we swam again, had lunch and then attended Holy Mass. The day ended with the both of us tired from going around but happy.
We left Boracay with a somewhat heavy heart on August 30 and the weather, just like during our entire stay, was perfect and sunny. We wished we didn't have to go back to the urban jungles of Metro Manila but we had work ahead of us. We both decided we will go back in August next year, God-willing, to celebrate our third anniversary there. :)
But last June, my partner decided to work on that travel plan when my health checkups had stabilized. It was going to be his first time in Boracay while it was going to be my second visit. I first stepped on the white fine sand of White Beach in 2007 and I was alone on that trip. It was supposed to be a trip for me and partner that year but we broke up before the trip so I had to go alone. In a way, the Boracay sojourn then served as healing time for me.
Anyway, last August 27, my partner and I were all packed and ready to go. I was groggy from the ARVs I took and I haven't slept yet as I had come from work the previous night. We brought along our "child", a stuffed tiger toy we named Pepeton (he looks like Tigger in Winnie the Pooh). We got at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport (Naia) 3 three hours ahead of our flight time (11:30 a.m.) so we had snacks at the mezzanine lounge. We checked in our luggage, had snacks again and then waited for our flight. We left Naia 3 on time and landed almost an hour after at Caticlan. We were met by the land transfer representative and then checked into the hotel. After dumping our bags, we both proceeded to White Beach and walked from D'Mall area in Station 2 to the end of Station 3 and back. We went back to the hotel where I slept while my partner took photos of the beach and of Pepeton on the beach as well. Cute. :)
The next day, our second anniversary, we walked from D'Mall up to the grotto in Station 1 and back. Went for a swim, had lunch, went to the hotel for a nap and to cap off the evening, we had dinner in Aria, one of the fancy Italian restoes there and a night cap in Juice Bar.
August 29, we swam again, had lunch and then attended Holy Mass. The day ended with the both of us tired from going around but happy.
We left Boracay with a somewhat heavy heart on August 30 and the weather, just like during our entire stay, was perfect and sunny. We wished we didn't have to go back to the urban jungles of Metro Manila but we had work ahead of us. We both decided we will go back in August next year, God-willing, to celebrate our third anniversary there. :)
Monday, August 16, 2010
Paranoia
Ever since I learned about my status more than four months ago, I've began reading up on materials on HIV and related topics to beef up whatever limited stock knowledge I have of the medical condition. I can say I have learned a lot but I am not yet an expert as I am still learning more and more about HIV.
Part of the reason why I decided to learn more about HIV is that I know how paranoia and even the lack of knowledge about the virus can affect me in more ways than one, even paralyze me in fear.
And I've encountered those whose paranoia have gotten to them.
Case # 1 - Pozzie A has two kids in the same house where he lives. They're actually children of his female housemate. He is scared that he might infect them by simply living with them.
Case # 2 - OFW has had as many HIV tests as he already had after an unprotected sex with a female sex worker. All test, done within the window period and even beyond, proved non-reactive but he is still worried that he has HIV because he does not trust the veracity of the test results and efficiency of the test kits. He has lost sleep, worrying over whether he is indeed non-reactive.
These are just two of the several cases of paranoid individuals that I've encountered.
One thing that is common among the stories I've come across is that the letter writers or concerned individuals resort to self-diagnosis or base their status on the symptoms they have even if the symptoms do not necessarily mean they are positive for HIV but for other ailments. They are scared of taking the test and with this, I encourage them to take it because that is the only way they would know what exactly are they sick of and their status.
Some take the test after much encouragement and gathering the guts to do so and they turn out non-reactive or negative for HIV. Whatever symptoms they had indicated other illnesses. Others are still scared of taking the test.
Paranoia won't get anybody anywhere and can even eat a person alive. The only way to address it or stop their fear is to know one's status so that whatever it is, he or she will be guided accordingly.
Part of the reason why I decided to learn more about HIV is that I know how paranoia and even the lack of knowledge about the virus can affect me in more ways than one, even paralyze me in fear.
And I've encountered those whose paranoia have gotten to them.
Case # 1 - Pozzie A has two kids in the same house where he lives. They're actually children of his female housemate. He is scared that he might infect them by simply living with them.
Case # 2 - OFW has had as many HIV tests as he already had after an unprotected sex with a female sex worker. All test, done within the window period and even beyond, proved non-reactive but he is still worried that he has HIV because he does not trust the veracity of the test results and efficiency of the test kits. He has lost sleep, worrying over whether he is indeed non-reactive.
These are just two of the several cases of paranoid individuals that I've encountered.
One thing that is common among the stories I've come across is that the letter writers or concerned individuals resort to self-diagnosis or base their status on the symptoms they have even if the symptoms do not necessarily mean they are positive for HIV but for other ailments. They are scared of taking the test and with this, I encourage them to take it because that is the only way they would know what exactly are they sick of and their status.
Some take the test after much encouragement and gathering the guts to do so and they turn out non-reactive or negative for HIV. Whatever symptoms they had indicated other illnesses. Others are still scared of taking the test.
Paranoia won't get anybody anywhere and can even eat a person alive. The only way to address it or stop their fear is to know one's status so that whatever it is, he or she will be guided accordingly.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
It feels good
As soon as I settle down in my desk when I arrive in the office, I always check my emails first before I browse local and foreign news websites, Philippine-based forums, Facebook, and of course my blog. In one of my email accounts, it was a pleasant surprise to receive a letter from a new pozzie who had just read my blog.
It warmed my heart when he said he was inspired by my posts and somewhat found comfort as he comes to terms with his status.
As someone who has made it a personal mission to engage in HIV awareness in whatever way he can and help out other pozzies as well, especially newbies, it feels so good when you get to help those with the same medical condition grapple with it and try to move on with life even if it is difficult at first.
I also give out information on HIV and related issues when needed. I don't claim to be an expert on HIV as I am still learning new things about it day by day but whatever I learn, I share it.
It's been more than four months since I learned about my status. I still have moments of depression and I still suffer from minor ailments/setbacks either due to adjustment to the antiretrovirals or my CD4 may have dropped due to my work schedule. But I see to it that I get over my depression or get medical treatment when necessary. I get to encounter problems related to my medical condition but I get over them after awhile.
When those "bad times" strike, I remind myself of my advocacy to help others and how lucky I still am for having learned about my status early so whatever physical discomforts and problems I am going through will come to pass. Above all, I bask in the support and love of my family, partner, and friends, all of whom help me make it through whenever I am down.
It warmed my heart when he said he was inspired by my posts and somewhat found comfort as he comes to terms with his status.
As someone who has made it a personal mission to engage in HIV awareness in whatever way he can and help out other pozzies as well, especially newbies, it feels so good when you get to help those with the same medical condition grapple with it and try to move on with life even if it is difficult at first.
I also give out information on HIV and related issues when needed. I don't claim to be an expert on HIV as I am still learning new things about it day by day but whatever I learn, I share it.
It's been more than four months since I learned about my status. I still have moments of depression and I still suffer from minor ailments/setbacks either due to adjustment to the antiretrovirals or my CD4 may have dropped due to my work schedule. But I see to it that I get over my depression or get medical treatment when necessary. I get to encounter problems related to my medical condition but I get over them after awhile.
When those "bad times" strike, I remind myself of my advocacy to help others and how lucky I still am for having learned about my status early so whatever physical discomforts and problems I am going through will come to pass. Above all, I bask in the support and love of my family, partner, and friends, all of whom help me make it through whenever I am down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)