Discrimination in one's family

I read awhile ago in a Facebook group created for PLHIVs, advocates and supporters about two young Filipino PLHIVs who have been ostracized/disowned/kicked out of their families. According to the post in that group, the two PLHIVs need temporary accommodations and food to sustain them.  They are both working and need a place to stay, something they can only do after office hours.  This isn't the first time I have come across such cases though.

Their situation makes me very sad and very angry at their families for doing such a thing.  It maybe due to ignorance of the manageable ailment, disgust, anger, denial or whatever.

It is very sad to learn when a young PLHIV, who has just learned of his status and is at a loss on how to deal with it, gets kicked out of his or her family, which should be the first one to support and understand him or her.

I don't mean to rub salt on those PLHIV's wounds, so to speak, but I am lucky that when I came out to my two siblings (we don't have parents anymore), they were devastated to learn of my status but they didn't have second thoughts giving their complete support and understanding.

This brings mean to the issue of coming out about one's status-to whom or when do we do it.  I believe that before a PLHIV, especially one who is newly-diagnosed, should come out to anyone, including his or her family, the PLHIV should be equipped with adequate knowledge of HIV and AIDS so that if questions arise from the person or persons the PLHIV comes out, he or she can give a sufficient answer.

Know the level of knowledge of the person or persons you plan to come out to. A PLHIV can do this without necessarily revealing his or her status but through general or generic questions.  From there, the PLHIV will determine if he or she can be trusted and he or she can be assured of that person's complete support, understanding and can be bound to secrecy.  I can say that the lesser a person knows about HIV and AIDS, the higher the likelihood or chance that person will discriminate a PLHIV.

A PLHIV should take time before coming out to anyone.  He or she should think it over several times before doing so.  Consider the pros and cons.  Be completely ready-emotionally and psychologically-in coming out.  It is not easy coming out to anyone about one's status.  I should know because I've been through it.

And lastly, Pray. Pray to Him for guidance, strength and help in what you will do.  Believe me, prayers can do wonders.

My 1st brush with discrimination

The discrimination I am talking about here is not at me but against another person living with HIV (PLHIV) . I don't know who the PLHIV is but I felt bad and I had to go to his defense without giving rise to suspicions that I am a PLHIV too.

Here's the story:

Thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with a male friend (let's call him Mr. Big - feeling like Carrie Bradshaw of SATC hehe) after a long time. We first met through a gay social networking website several years ago and for awhile, there was something romantic that went on between us but it fizzled when we lost touch with each other. Anyway, he saw my comment on a post of a common friend (let's call him Chinky Eyes) that we had in Facebook and Mr. Big sent me a private message. When I saw Mr. Big's profile picture, I told myself this guy looks very familiar until I added him up as a friend and saw his other photos. It was then I remembered who he was.

In our chat, Mr. Big and I updated each other on what has happened since the last time we met and what have we been up to. During the course of our conversation, Mr. Big mentioned that he joined an outdoor activity group in one of its out-of-town activities upon the invitation of Chinky Eyes, who was a member of that group. He didn't join the succeeding activities because he found some members of the group "wishy-washy" (I don't exactly know what he meant by that) and that one member of the group was HIV-positive. From the way he said it, it seemed like he found it gross to be with a PLHIV. He also also didn't want to be part of the group anymore because he was afraid that they might engage in drug sessions using injectibles with the PLHIV joining in as well (an unfair presumption, I must say). So I asked him how did he know the status of that group member concerned. He got it from three independent sources and all pointed to the same guy as a PLHIV. To quote, he also said the guy "had the look (of a PLHIV) and the skin tone." I told myself Mr. Big needs to be educated well about HIV and AIDS because you can never tell if someone is a PLHIV based on looks and skin tone alone - sigh. I felt sorry for the unidentified PLHIV and told Mr. Big that his sources committed a violation of Republic Act (RA) 8504 by identifying him and even revealing the status. Mr Big said the PLHIV still engages in casual sex (he is unsure if the PLHIV does it safely) because the PLHIV has an account in a gay cruise/hookup site.

I changed the topic as I already felt awkward but inside me, it was a scary thought that the PLHIV concerned may still be engaging in unsafe sex. I must admit that I still hear of some irresponsible PLHIVs who do so, with nary a concern for those they have sex with. I also felt utter disappointment at Mr. Big and his attitude toward PLHIVs. Then I wondered.... would Mr. Big still keep in touch with me again (after several years of silence between us) if he knew I was a PLHIV too? Your guess is as good as mine.