I can't thank you enough

To my Significant Other,

It has been 21 months since we decided to get into a commitment. And I am happy that we are still together up to now because to be frank about it, I wasn't expecting it since we met through a defunct gay website that was known to be a venue to cruise for casual sex. But we've managed to hurdle all sorts of challenges.

Let me thank you for being there for me, for not leaving me despite the many times I was difficult to deal with. It was August of last year when I fell gravely ill and I remembered how you cried because you were afraid you lost me. But I survived it. Little did we know that it was the start of our Calvary.

Then March came, I got hospitalized for pneumonia, something we both were wondering how did I contract it. Then we decided to take the rapid HIV antibody test upon the prodding of a friend because pneumonia is an opportunistic infection that can strike down a HIV-positive individual. I was supposed to take the test only but you decided to take it as well. You came out non-reactive but it was the opposite for me. Our world crashed. I could only cry on your shoulder as we held hands tightly. On our way out of the clinic, you hugged me and I had to stop myself from bawling my heart out, ashamed of people who might see us. We went to Greenbelt chapel where I prayed hard and sought God's forgiveness. We also talked things over and what really tugged my heart was when you said you would not leave me, no matter what, and that you still love me as much as the first time. Then we both broke down. At home, we were locked in a tight embrace in bed as tears continued to flow. We will manage and ride through the crisis, you'd tell me over and over again.

No words are really enough to express my gratitude to you for not giving up on me, for telling me to hang on several times even if I so much wanted to give up because I couldn't stand anymore the pain and discomfort I was going through.

I love you. So much. Happy monthsary.

*Juan*

Unburdened

When I was diagnosed as HIV positive, the first thing that crossed my mind was when and how do I tell my 2 sisters - the two remaining members of my immediate family - about it. And if I do get to disclose my status, I was afraid that I would not be able to keep my emotions in check. I would keep rehearsing in my mind what I would say and picture the scene. I wanted to break the news to them as gently as I can. I prayed fervently for guidance and strength.

But things fell in the right places as the situations that allowed me to tell my sisters my condition presented themselves without my effort.

The first to know was my elder sister early Saturday morning (April 17) as my shift was nearing its end. My sister and I would sometimes chat on YM while we are both at work to catch up on each other's lives and ask how each of us was doing. That morning, she messaged me first and asked if my work schedule has changed since she noticed that I was offline for most part of the week. I told her that I was pretty busy so I was either absent or on half-day. "Busy with work?" she asked. I was evasive. Then I asked her if she and I and our younger sister, who was due to arrive here in Manila the following day (April 18) from Cebu with her hubby and two sons for a vacation, would have time to talk because I wanted to consult the both of them on "my future plans." She said of course then asked what plans are those exactly and she was persistent in knowing. So, I took it as a cue for me to tell her, especially since I already have the results of my confirmatory test.

"Ate, remember when I was down with pneumonia last month and I got confined?" I said.

"Yes, why?", she said.

"It was a manifestation of something else - another illness," I replied, my hands were shaking as I typed away. "I am positive for HIV," I continued.

"I am heartbroken," she said, so I decided to call her up and she was already crying when she answered my call. She managed to compose herself and assured me of her love and support. I apologized to her for what happened but shrugged it off saying I don't have to apologize.

We talked about how we were going to tell our younger sister and ended our phone conversation.

Sunday morning came and I was anxious already at the start of the day because my younger sister was due to arrive. My partner and I went to my elder sister's place in Las Pinas because that where my younger sister and her family would be staying while on vacation here. Upon arriving, my partner and I had lunch first and then I bonded with my younger sister and her family. Then, it was time to tell my younger sister.

Me, my two sisters and my brother-in-law gathered in the guest room in the elder sister's place where I broke the news to my younger sister. She broke down and sobbed uncontrollably as she hugged me. It was such a heart-wrenching moment but I controlled my emotions. My elder sister spoke up and said we will all ride this through and that I will have to be very careful about my health now. My younger sister and brother-in-law assured me that they still love me no matter what and will be behind me all the way. I was teary-eyed. So that I won't break down, I gave them a mini-lecture on HIV, the tests I need to undergo, the medication I will take to boost my CD4 count, what I need to do and avoid eating, and what my plans are. Our family talk ended with a group hug.

It was truly an emotional weekend for me and my family and this crisis has brought us much closer now to each other.

With God's guidance, I was able to unburden myself and can now sleep soundly...