I read awhile ago in a Facebook group created for PLHIVs, advocates and supporters about two young Filipino PLHIVs who have been ostracized/disowned/kicked out of their families. According to the post in that group, the two PLHIVs need temporary accommodations and food to sustain them. They are both working and need a place to stay, something they can only do after office hours. This isn't the first time I have come across such cases though.
Their situation makes me very sad and very angry at their families for doing such a thing. It maybe due to ignorance of the manageable ailment, disgust, anger, denial or whatever.
It is very sad to learn when a young PLHIV, who has just learned of his status and is at a loss on how to deal with it, gets kicked out of his or her family, which should be the first one to support and understand him or her.
I don't mean to rub salt on those PLHIV's wounds, so to speak, but I am lucky that when I came out to my two siblings (we don't have parents anymore), they were devastated to learn of my status but they didn't have second thoughts giving their complete support and understanding.
This brings mean to the issue of coming out about one's status-to whom or when do we do it. I believe that before a PLHIV, especially one who is newly-diagnosed, should come out to anyone, including his or her family, the PLHIV should be equipped with adequate knowledge of HIV and AIDS so that if questions arise from the person or persons the PLHIV comes out, he or she can give a sufficient answer.
Know the level of knowledge of the person or persons you plan to come out to. A PLHIV can do this without necessarily revealing his or her status but through general or generic questions. From there, the PLHIV will determine if he or she can be trusted and he or she can be assured of that person's complete support, understanding and can be bound to secrecy. I can say that the lesser a person knows about HIV and AIDS, the higher the likelihood or chance that person will discriminate a PLHIV.
A PLHIV should take time before coming out to anyone. He or she should think it over several times before doing so. Consider the pros and cons. Be completely ready-emotionally and psychologically-in coming out. It is not easy coming out to anyone about one's status. I should know because I've been through it.
And lastly, Pray. Pray to Him for guidance, strength and help in what you will do. Believe me, prayers can do wonders.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, April 1, 2013
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Another moving story - a pozzie's tale
I would like to share with everyone another moving story - this time from a pozzie. After he read the letter from the mother of a person living with HIV (PLWHIV) that I posted here in my blog, he decided to share his tale - one that I can describe as a miracle.
I am also posting my reply to his letter. Read on. :)
Hi Juan dela Cruz,
Greetings! I am a huge fan of your blog and have been reading your entries religiously, seeing i've contracted the virus a few months back. I got touched by one of your latest entries, from the concerned mom who wrote about her experience with her son.
In the spirit of Christmas and sharing, I hope you can post my letter as well. I would like to share my own story, from a son's perspective.
See, I grew up detached from my family; my family had rules, strict rules (we were a conservative bunch- curfews even when i was already working, no going out on Saturdays and Sundays, no friends at home, etc. etc.), that i had a lot of problems with. i became detached and independent, and grew up spending my life locked inside my room, and then later on to my own place. i distanced myself from them ON PURPOSE because i couldnt take the rules, i couldnt take living with them.
We never were a close family, no matter how each of us tried. we were never the share-stuff-about-your-life family who laughs during dinner and watches dvds after. we never talked about stuff, rarely shared jokes.
but since i found out about my test results, things turned. miraculously. seeing that i am not close to my parents, imagine my apprehension about telling them. they are conservative, very strict, and yes again, conservative. i could not reiterate enough how conservative they are. i felt that my sexuality would be one topic that they might not be supportive of, so how then can i tell them i have a virus i got through (irresponsible) sex?
so after a night of drinking, i mustered enough strength (or hello, tipsiness) to spill the bad beans. And boy was i surprised and surprisingly relieved. I was sobbing the entire time and my mom was listening very intently. i was expecting her to cry and to shout and to scream, to react violently to the news, but no. she was very receptive, in control. Was this my mom i was talking to? from then on, a huge burden was lifted from me. i felt relieved.
the next few days were a whirlwind of change. we talked, we conferred. i opened up with them, and to my surprise, they opened up with me as well. i felt a flurry of love and support from them. they began texting me almost every day, and checked up on me. we began to talk about sex, joke about sex, i even began joking with my dad, and even got away calling him gay (as a joke!)
i guess the whole point(s) of this quite lengthy letter is to 1.) thank my parents for being highly loving, despite our family history and 2.) to tell your readers who are too afraid to tell the people in their lives, that there are still miracles, and that mine (for this year, i think) is my parents' love, that no matter what happens, there will be people out there that will support you and love you unconditionally, that the first step is always the scariest, that once you've taken that leap, someone(s) will be there to catch you.
This will be my Christmas gift to myself as well as to my parents, Juan dela Cruz. I hope you can publish this for me.
Thank you and more power to you,
Nondescript_333
---------------------------------------------------------
Hello there Nondescript_333!
Thank you for taking time to read my blog and being an avid fan. I feel like a celebrity. Haha!
I am very happy that I have also touched and inspired you and several others who follow my blog. I am sorry though if I don't get to update it as often as before either because I don't have anything in mind to write about or I am busy with work.
Your moving story is nothing short of a miracle. You are very lucky to have experienced such. This goes to show that miracles still happen in what seems to be impossible circumstances.
I salute you for having the guts to tell your family of your status and I take my hat off to them for dealing with it very well. I also greatly admire your family for the change in attitude toward you. I wish all families of all persons living with HIV (PLWHIV) are the same as yours. You are truly blessed to have them.
I strongly agree with what you said -- "that no matter what happens, there will be people out there who will support you and love you unconditionally, that the first step is always the scariest, that once you've taken that leap, someone will be there to catch you."
Anyway, stay healthy and Godbless you and your family. Mabuhay kayong lahat! :)
Juan dela Cruz
I am also posting my reply to his letter. Read on. :)
Hi Juan dela Cruz,
Greetings! I am a huge fan of your blog and have been reading your entries religiously, seeing i've contracted the virus a few months back. I got touched by one of your latest entries, from the concerned mom who wrote about her experience with her son.
In the spirit of Christmas and sharing, I hope you can post my letter as well. I would like to share my own story, from a son's perspective.
See, I grew up detached from my family; my family had rules, strict rules (we were a conservative bunch- curfews even when i was already working, no going out on Saturdays and Sundays, no friends at home, etc. etc.), that i had a lot of problems with. i became detached and independent, and grew up spending my life locked inside my room, and then later on to my own place. i distanced myself from them ON PURPOSE because i couldnt take the rules, i couldnt take living with them.
We never were a close family, no matter how each of us tried. we were never the share-stuff-about-your-life family who laughs during dinner and watches dvds after. we never talked about stuff, rarely shared jokes.
but since i found out about my test results, things turned. miraculously. seeing that i am not close to my parents, imagine my apprehension about telling them. they are conservative, very strict, and yes again, conservative. i could not reiterate enough how conservative they are. i felt that my sexuality would be one topic that they might not be supportive of, so how then can i tell them i have a virus i got through (irresponsible) sex?
so after a night of drinking, i mustered enough strength (or hello, tipsiness) to spill the bad beans. And boy was i surprised and surprisingly relieved. I was sobbing the entire time and my mom was listening very intently. i was expecting her to cry and to shout and to scream, to react violently to the news, but no. she was very receptive, in control. Was this my mom i was talking to? from then on, a huge burden was lifted from me. i felt relieved.
the next few days were a whirlwind of change. we talked, we conferred. i opened up with them, and to my surprise, they opened up with me as well. i felt a flurry of love and support from them. they began texting me almost every day, and checked up on me. we began to talk about sex, joke about sex, i even began joking with my dad, and even got away calling him gay (as a joke!)
i guess the whole point(s) of this quite lengthy letter is to 1.) thank my parents for being highly loving, despite our family history and 2.) to tell your readers who are too afraid to tell the people in their lives, that there are still miracles, and that mine (for this year, i think) is my parents' love, that no matter what happens, there will be people out there that will support you and love you unconditionally, that the first step is always the scariest, that once you've taken that leap, someone(s) will be there to catch you.
This will be my Christmas gift to myself as well as to my parents, Juan dela Cruz. I hope you can publish this for me.
Thank you and more power to you,
Nondescript_333
---------------------------------------------------------
Hello there Nondescript_333!
Thank you for taking time to read my blog and being an avid fan. I feel like a celebrity. Haha!
I am very happy that I have also touched and inspired you and several others who follow my blog. I am sorry though if I don't get to update it as often as before either because I don't have anything in mind to write about or I am busy with work.
Your moving story is nothing short of a miracle. You are very lucky to have experienced such. This goes to show that miracles still happen in what seems to be impossible circumstances.
I salute you for having the guts to tell your family of your status and I take my hat off to them for dealing with it very well. I also greatly admire your family for the change in attitude toward you. I wish all families of all persons living with HIV (PLWHIV) are the same as yours. You are truly blessed to have them.
I strongly agree with what you said -- "that no matter what happens, there will be people out there who will support you and love you unconditionally, that the first step is always the scariest, that once you've taken that leap, someone will be there to catch you."
Anyway, stay healthy and Godbless you and your family. Mabuhay kayong lahat! :)
Juan dela Cruz
Monday, September 13, 2010
Unexpected
What I thought was going to be an uneventful evening at work turned out otherwise. The surprise that left me speechless for several seconds wasn't even work-related but involved coming out regarding my medical condition to my 19-year-old nephew.
First off, let me say that this nephew of mine is my godchild. He is the eldest of my younger sister's two kids. He WAS a black sheep in our family, so much so that he gave his mother, stepfather, us - his uncle and aunt, and younger brother heartaches and headache. I say WAS because we've noticed a welcome change in his behavior and his dealings with us recently.
I was online at Facebook when a chat window popped up. It was my nephew. Right after the hi's and hellos, he told me straight-up that his stepfather revealed my medical status to him. I was shocked and I didn't reply for almost a minute. I didn't know what to say. I was unsure how he would take it if I confirmed that I was positive for HIV, emotional and easily impressionable as he was at his age, and I was also afraid that I would lose his respect for me. I also didn't know the level of knowledge he had about HIV.
My nephew said his stepfather had to tell him my status after he insisted on knowing what it was when his stepdad committed a slip of the tongue and mentioned that I was ill. Bothered by what his stepdad said, he pestered his stepfather for days about what exactly I was ill of.
My nephew told me he felt bad with me, his mom and stepdad because we did not tell him about it right away. I had to explain to him that I had left it to his mother and stepdad the decision whether or not to tell him and his brother about my medical condition and it wasn't that easy to reveal.
I apologized that we had to keep it a secret from his at first and he understood. But what touched me the most was when he said he has been praying for me. I was teary-eyed.
I tried to gauge his level of knowledge about HIV and I could say he knows relatively well about it, presumably because he had been briefed by his stepdad about it. He only asked about the antiretrovirals that I was taking and what was it for.
Our conversation ended on a nice note and on hindsight, I was relieved that my nephew took it well and I have his love and support.
First off, let me say that this nephew of mine is my godchild. He is the eldest of my younger sister's two kids. He WAS a black sheep in our family, so much so that he gave his mother, stepfather, us - his uncle and aunt, and younger brother heartaches and headache. I say WAS because we've noticed a welcome change in his behavior and his dealings with us recently.
I was online at Facebook when a chat window popped up. It was my nephew. Right after the hi's and hellos, he told me straight-up that his stepfather revealed my medical status to him. I was shocked and I didn't reply for almost a minute. I didn't know what to say. I was unsure how he would take it if I confirmed that I was positive for HIV, emotional and easily impressionable as he was at his age, and I was also afraid that I would lose his respect for me. I also didn't know the level of knowledge he had about HIV.
My nephew said his stepfather had to tell him my status after he insisted on knowing what it was when his stepdad committed a slip of the tongue and mentioned that I was ill. Bothered by what his stepdad said, he pestered his stepfather for days about what exactly I was ill of.
My nephew told me he felt bad with me, his mom and stepdad because we did not tell him about it right away. I had to explain to him that I had left it to his mother and stepdad the decision whether or not to tell him and his brother about my medical condition and it wasn't that easy to reveal.
I apologized that we had to keep it a secret from his at first and he understood. But what touched me the most was when he said he has been praying for me. I was teary-eyed.
I tried to gauge his level of knowledge about HIV and I could say he knows relatively well about it, presumably because he had been briefed by his stepdad about it. He only asked about the antiretrovirals that I was taking and what was it for.
Our conversation ended on a nice note and on hindsight, I was relieved that my nephew took it well and I have his love and support.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Unburdened
When I was diagnosed as HIV positive, the first thing that crossed my mind was when and how do I tell my 2 sisters - the two remaining members of my immediate family - about it. And if I do get to disclose my status, I was afraid that I would not be able to keep my emotions in check. I would keep rehearsing in my mind what I would say and picture the scene. I wanted to break the news to them as gently as I can. I prayed fervently for guidance and strength.
But things fell in the right places as the situations that allowed me to tell my sisters my condition presented themselves without my effort.
The first to know was my elder sister early Saturday morning (April 17) as my shift was nearing its end. My sister and I would sometimes chat on YM while we are both at work to catch up on each other's lives and ask how each of us was doing. That morning, she messaged me first and asked if my work schedule has changed since she noticed that I was offline for most part of the week. I told her that I was pretty busy so I was either absent or on half-day. "Busy with work?" she asked. I was evasive. Then I asked her if she and I and our younger sister, who was due to arrive here in Manila the following day (April 18) from Cebu with her hubby and two sons for a vacation, would have time to talk because I wanted to consult the both of them on "my future plans." She said of course then asked what plans are those exactly and she was persistent in knowing. So, I took it as a cue for me to tell her, especially since I already have the results of my confirmatory test.
"Ate, remember when I was down with pneumonia last month and I got confined?" I said.
"Yes, why?", she said.
"It was a manifestation of something else - another illness," I replied, my hands were shaking as I typed away. "I am positive for HIV," I continued.
"I am heartbroken," she said, so I decided to call her up and she was already crying when she answered my call. She managed to compose herself and assured me of her love and support. I apologized to her for what happened but shrugged it off saying I don't have to apologize.
We talked about how we were going to tell our younger sister and ended our phone conversation.
Sunday morning came and I was anxious already at the start of the day because my younger sister was due to arrive. My partner and I went to my elder sister's place in Las Pinas because that where my younger sister and her family would be staying while on vacation here. Upon arriving, my partner and I had lunch first and then I bonded with my younger sister and her family. Then, it was time to tell my younger sister.
Me, my two sisters and my brother-in-law gathered in the guest room in the elder sister's place where I broke the news to my younger sister. She broke down and sobbed uncontrollably as she hugged me. It was such a heart-wrenching moment but I controlled my emotions. My elder sister spoke up and said we will all ride this through and that I will have to be very careful about my health now. My younger sister and brother-in-law assured me that they still love me no matter what and will be behind me all the way. I was teary-eyed. So that I won't break down, I gave them a mini-lecture on HIV, the tests I need to undergo, the medication I will take to boost my CD4 count, what I need to do and avoid eating, and what my plans are. Our family talk ended with a group hug.
It was truly an emotional weekend for me and my family and this crisis has brought us much closer now to each other.
With God's guidance, I was able to unburden myself and can now sleep soundly...
But things fell in the right places as the situations that allowed me to tell my sisters my condition presented themselves without my effort.
The first to know was my elder sister early Saturday morning (April 17) as my shift was nearing its end. My sister and I would sometimes chat on YM while we are both at work to catch up on each other's lives and ask how each of us was doing. That morning, she messaged me first and asked if my work schedule has changed since she noticed that I was offline for most part of the week. I told her that I was pretty busy so I was either absent or on half-day. "Busy with work?" she asked. I was evasive. Then I asked her if she and I and our younger sister, who was due to arrive here in Manila the following day (April 18) from Cebu with her hubby and two sons for a vacation, would have time to talk because I wanted to consult the both of them on "my future plans." She said of course then asked what plans are those exactly and she was persistent in knowing. So, I took it as a cue for me to tell her, especially since I already have the results of my confirmatory test.
"Ate, remember when I was down with pneumonia last month and I got confined?" I said.
"Yes, why?", she said.
"It was a manifestation of something else - another illness," I replied, my hands were shaking as I typed away. "I am positive for HIV," I continued.
"I am heartbroken," she said, so I decided to call her up and she was already crying when she answered my call. She managed to compose herself and assured me of her love and support. I apologized to her for what happened but shrugged it off saying I don't have to apologize.
We talked about how we were going to tell our younger sister and ended our phone conversation.
Sunday morning came and I was anxious already at the start of the day because my younger sister was due to arrive. My partner and I went to my elder sister's place in Las Pinas because that where my younger sister and her family would be staying while on vacation here. Upon arriving, my partner and I had lunch first and then I bonded with my younger sister and her family. Then, it was time to tell my younger sister.
Me, my two sisters and my brother-in-law gathered in the guest room in the elder sister's place where I broke the news to my younger sister. She broke down and sobbed uncontrollably as she hugged me. It was such a heart-wrenching moment but I controlled my emotions. My elder sister spoke up and said we will all ride this through and that I will have to be very careful about my health now. My younger sister and brother-in-law assured me that they still love me no matter what and will be behind me all the way. I was teary-eyed. So that I won't break down, I gave them a mini-lecture on HIV, the tests I need to undergo, the medication I will take to boost my CD4 count, what I need to do and avoid eating, and what my plans are. Our family talk ended with a group hug.
It was truly an emotional weekend for me and my family and this crisis has brought us much closer now to each other.
With God's guidance, I was able to unburden myself and can now sleep soundly...
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