I read awhile ago in a Facebook group created for PLHIVs, advocates and supporters about two young Filipino PLHIVs who have been ostracized/disowned/kicked out of their families. According to the post in that group, the two PLHIVs need temporary accommodations and food to sustain them. They are both working and need a place to stay, something they can only do after office hours. This isn't the first time I have come across such cases though.
Their situation makes me very sad and very angry at their families for doing such a thing. It maybe due to ignorance of the manageable ailment, disgust, anger, denial or whatever.
It is very sad to learn when a young PLHIV, who has just learned of his status and is at a loss on how to deal with it, gets kicked out of his or her family, which should be the first one to support and understand him or her.
I don't mean to rub salt on those PLHIV's wounds, so to speak, but I am lucky that when I came out to my two siblings (we don't have parents anymore), they were devastated to learn of my status but they didn't have second thoughts giving their complete support and understanding.
This brings mean to the issue of coming out about one's status-to whom or when do we do it. I believe that before a PLHIV, especially one who is newly-diagnosed, should come out to anyone, including his or her family, the PLHIV should be equipped with adequate knowledge of HIV and AIDS so that if questions arise from the person or persons the PLHIV comes out, he or she can give a sufficient answer.
Know the level of knowledge of the person or persons you plan to come out to. A PLHIV can do this without necessarily revealing his or her status but through general or generic questions. From there, the PLHIV will determine if he or she can be trusted and he or she can be assured of that person's complete support, understanding and can be bound to secrecy. I can say that the lesser a person knows about HIV and AIDS, the higher the likelihood or chance that person will discriminate a PLHIV.
A PLHIV should take time before coming out to anyone. He or she should think it over several times before doing so. Consider the pros and cons. Be completely ready-emotionally and psychologically-in coming out. It is not easy coming out to anyone about one's status. I should know because I've been through it.
And lastly, Pray. Pray to Him for guidance, strength and help in what you will do. Believe me, prayers can do wonders.
Showing posts with label coming out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coming out. Show all posts
Monday, April 1, 2013
Monday, December 6, 2010
The Pride March and my plan to 'come out'
Last Saturday's Gay Pride March held in Tomas Morato in Quezon City was a first for me. Participation-wise. In last year's march held in Malate, my partner and I were just in the sidelines as we both watched the parade start from Remedios Circle. We later walked along the parade route and sometime during the parade, we joined our friend who were part of the Out Philippines contingent.
When Bruce Amoroto of TeamPilipinas advertised about the parade this year and he was seeking volunteers to help carry the 40-meter rainbow flag, I immediately wrote to Bruce early last November and told him I want to be one of the flag bearers and so we met over at Starbucks in Shangri-La Mall, where Bruce interviewed me and briefed me on what will we do. Another meeting was set last November 27, a week before the march to discuss details of the activity.
Pride March came and went and it very tiring but still fun and liberating nonetheless. However, a side story to this is that 2 days before the march, I had planned to come out in public regarding my HIV status since this year's march had HIV and Aids awareness as a theme. I planned to ask the emcees of the program that would follow the march for permission to speak to everyone and then come out regarding my status to put a new face to the health problem and perhaps, the audience will learn a lesson or two from my experience that I was going to share. I also wanted to call the government's attention to the growing HIV and Aids problem in the country as the number of new cases has increased tremendously this year. I thought long and hard about what I was planning to do and weighed the pros and cons.
I consulted 2 close friends in the poz community, my partner, and my elder sister about what I was planning to do. I told them about the pros and cons. The cons however outnumbered the pros. I risk getting terminated from my job and getting kicked out of my boarding house if I came out in public despite the law (Republic Act 8504) protecting HIV-positive individuals in the country against discriminatory acts. I would also be putting myself, my family, and my partner at risk also to discrimination and stigma. Since my partner and I work in the same company, I might jeopardize my partner's continued employment in our company since they see us always together. We are not out as a couple in our place of work but I guess our fellow employees have a suspicion that we are partners.
Anyway, to cut the long story short and following the advice of my elder sister, I decided not to push through with my "coming out" last Saturday. It proved to be a wise decision because the march and the program held after the event were happy occasions and my coming out would have dampened the celebratory mood.
To quote my elder sister, she said it is best that I do not come out in public - for now. The right opportunity will come and I will just have to wait.
When Bruce Amoroto of TeamPilipinas advertised about the parade this year and he was seeking volunteers to help carry the 40-meter rainbow flag, I immediately wrote to Bruce early last November and told him I want to be one of the flag bearers and so we met over at Starbucks in Shangri-La Mall, where Bruce interviewed me and briefed me on what will we do. Another meeting was set last November 27, a week before the march to discuss details of the activity.
Pride March came and went and it very tiring but still fun and liberating nonetheless. However, a side story to this is that 2 days before the march, I had planned to come out in public regarding my HIV status since this year's march had HIV and Aids awareness as a theme. I planned to ask the emcees of the program that would follow the march for permission to speak to everyone and then come out regarding my status to put a new face to the health problem and perhaps, the audience will learn a lesson or two from my experience that I was going to share. I also wanted to call the government's attention to the growing HIV and Aids problem in the country as the number of new cases has increased tremendously this year. I thought long and hard about what I was planning to do and weighed the pros and cons.
I consulted 2 close friends in the poz community, my partner, and my elder sister about what I was planning to do. I told them about the pros and cons. The cons however outnumbered the pros. I risk getting terminated from my job and getting kicked out of my boarding house if I came out in public despite the law (Republic Act 8504) protecting HIV-positive individuals in the country against discriminatory acts. I would also be putting myself, my family, and my partner at risk also to discrimination and stigma. Since my partner and I work in the same company, I might jeopardize my partner's continued employment in our company since they see us always together. We are not out as a couple in our place of work but I guess our fellow employees have a suspicion that we are partners.
Anyway, to cut the long story short and following the advice of my elder sister, I decided not to push through with my "coming out" last Saturday. It proved to be a wise decision because the march and the program held after the event were happy occasions and my coming out would have dampened the celebratory mood.
To quote my elder sister, she said it is best that I do not come out in public - for now. The right opportunity will come and I will just have to wait.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Revelation and surprise
Just as I was thinking of something to blog about since I haven't updated this for quite sometime now, something came up. Talk about timing.
A friend of mine, who I've known way back 2001 or 2002 and who I had a short-lived romance, suddenly chatted with me in private over at Facebook and asked how I was. Let's call this friend of mine as "D". At first, I thought the conversation was just the usual "hey-how have you been-what's up with you" type of chat. It turned out otherwise.
D asked if I still frequented Morato where an ex of mine co-owns a bar. D and I chanced upon each other in my ex's bar sometime in 2007. I said not anymore, after that former lover and I broke up. The reason he asked me was because he wanted to talk to me and hoped that he and I could meet up. I told D we get to seldom meet and if ever we get to interact, it's through Facebook so I prodded him to tell me what he wanted to say.
Without any hesitation, he told me he was positive and he learned of his status in 2007. His partner, who is a friend of mine as well, is negative. He came out to me because he said he wanted to tell all his exes. Although he and I didn't have sex during our short-lived romance and the most we did was torrid kissing, he said he felt that he still had the obligation to tell me. It was a touching gesture on D's part and in return, I came out to him also. I also told him my partner is negative as well. He took it well and we shared experiences and the travails of being poz.
Anyway, aside from wanting to inform his exes about his status, D also said he came out to me after he met someone from a poz group in my home province and in the course of their conversation, D rattled off names of people he know who are in Manila now but are from my home province. When my name came up, that person reacted "oddly" as D described it. So D asked that person if I was poz. The person only told D to ask me. That person could have flatly said No and instead left doubts on D's mind. Sigh. Of all people who would implicitly reveal my status, it had to be someone from my home province instead of someone from here in Manila. To be honest about it, I already half expect my status to come out in the public sooner or later from someone here who knows about it. Maybe by accident or borne out of revenge.
Need I remind those in the poz community that Republic Act (RA) 8504 contains responsibilities for pozzies that include a prohibition against implicitly or explicitly revealing the HIV status of a person.
I hope to meet D again one day after a long time so we can catch up on each other's lives and perhaps he can remember who was that person who implicitly "outed" me. At the end of our chat, I thanked D for coming out to me and trusting me with his secret as I assured him that it is safe with me.
A friend of mine, who I've known way back 2001 or 2002 and who I had a short-lived romance, suddenly chatted with me in private over at Facebook and asked how I was. Let's call this friend of mine as "D". At first, I thought the conversation was just the usual "hey-how have you been-what's up with you" type of chat. It turned out otherwise.
D asked if I still frequented Morato where an ex of mine co-owns a bar. D and I chanced upon each other in my ex's bar sometime in 2007. I said not anymore, after that former lover and I broke up. The reason he asked me was because he wanted to talk to me and hoped that he and I could meet up. I told D we get to seldom meet and if ever we get to interact, it's through Facebook so I prodded him to tell me what he wanted to say.
Without any hesitation, he told me he was positive and he learned of his status in 2007. His partner, who is a friend of mine as well, is negative. He came out to me because he said he wanted to tell all his exes. Although he and I didn't have sex during our short-lived romance and the most we did was torrid kissing, he said he felt that he still had the obligation to tell me. It was a touching gesture on D's part and in return, I came out to him also. I also told him my partner is negative as well. He took it well and we shared experiences and the travails of being poz.
Anyway, aside from wanting to inform his exes about his status, D also said he came out to me after he met someone from a poz group in my home province and in the course of their conversation, D rattled off names of people he know who are in Manila now but are from my home province. When my name came up, that person reacted "oddly" as D described it. So D asked that person if I was poz. The person only told D to ask me. That person could have flatly said No and instead left doubts on D's mind. Sigh. Of all people who would implicitly reveal my status, it had to be someone from my home province instead of someone from here in Manila. To be honest about it, I already half expect my status to come out in the public sooner or later from someone here who knows about it. Maybe by accident or borne out of revenge.
Need I remind those in the poz community that Republic Act (RA) 8504 contains responsibilities for pozzies that include a prohibition against implicitly or explicitly revealing the HIV status of a person.
I hope to meet D again one day after a long time so we can catch up on each other's lives and perhaps he can remember who was that person who implicitly "outed" me. At the end of our chat, I thanked D for coming out to me and trusting me with his secret as I assured him that it is safe with me.
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