Don't avoid me because I have HIV, we can still hug, eat together, shake hands, and even kiss each other on the cheeks....
Don't say I cannot love someone else anymore because I have HIV, I still have feelings....
Don't say sex is a no-no for me because I have HIV, I am still human and my libido is still intact....
Don't pity me because I have HIV, I am still "normal" and can be productive like anyone else....
And lastly, don't take it against me for being careless and contracting HIV, it was a lapse of personal judgment and what i need the most is love, understanding and acceptance. :)
Showing posts with label hiv positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hiv positive. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
And so a year has passed
6:12 a.m. March 27, 2011 - In my room.
Exactly a year ago yesterday (March 26) , I learned that I was HIV positive. Well, not that it was confirmed yet that time but I came out reactive when I took the HIV antibody test at the Manila Social Hygiene Clinic. The blow-by-blow account can be found in my April 12, 2010 blog. I got the confirmation of my HIV status on April 12 but I consider yesterday as an anniversary of some sort so let me greet myself HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
A lot has happened since March 26, 2010. Coming out with this blog so I can write down my experiences, taking baseline tests at the MSHC, going to my treatment hub - Research Institute for Tropical Medicine (RITM) to have my blood and physical exams to taking antiretrovirals to going through the awful side effects of ARVs like fever, rashes that covered almost my entire body, joint pains and lethargy, going down with shingles in June last year, attending a self-empowerment seminar for HIV-positive persons, bouts of folliculitis on my scalp every now and then and severe cellulitis on my right lower calf last January 2011 that required hospitalization and a minor operation. These are just physical difficulties I went through and I haven't even talked about the emotional and psychological effects I experienced but suffice it to say, I overcame all of those.
I also met many other persons living with HIV (PLWHIVs) - the politically correct term and it feels good to know and talk to those who have the medical condition as I have and see that they are going just great. :)
Listed below are things that have I accomplished since March 26, 2010:
1. I carried out my personal advocacy of helping spread HIV and Aids awareness by joining Philippine-based forums on the topic and sharing what I know about the medical condition.
2. Advised other PLWHIVs, especially those newly-diagnosed, and family members of PLWHIVs, through email, calls, text, face-to-face counseling or peer support as some call it.
3. Practiced what I learned in the self-empowerment seminar I attended in June last year to help me cope with the emotional and physical challenges relative to my status.
4. Linked up with non-government groups like Pinoy Plus and the Youth Aids Filipinas Alliance (Yafa) and I now serve as a consultant of the latter organization. I conducted a seminar on Understanding the Media for the youth ambassadors who were trained by Yafa last January.
And how am I doing so far? I am great - just great! Indeed, being HIV-positive is not a death sentence. I am living proof that despite my status, those with the same medical condition as I have can still lead happy, "normal" and productive lives. The adjustment period (physical and emotional) can be daunting, especially for the newly-diagnosed but it will pass. Believe me, I've been there, done that. :)
Exactly a year ago yesterday (March 26) , I learned that I was HIV positive. Well, not that it was confirmed yet that time but I came out reactive when I took the HIV antibody test at the Manila Social Hygiene Clinic. The blow-by-blow account can be found in my April 12, 2010 blog. I got the confirmation of my HIV status on April 12 but I consider yesterday as an anniversary of some sort so let me greet myself HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
A lot has happened since March 26, 2010. Coming out with this blog so I can write down my experiences, taking baseline tests at the MSHC, going to my treatment hub - Research Institute for Tropical Medicine (RITM) to have my blood and physical exams to taking antiretrovirals to going through the awful side effects of ARVs like fever, rashes that covered almost my entire body, joint pains and lethargy, going down with shingles in June last year, attending a self-empowerment seminar for HIV-positive persons, bouts of folliculitis on my scalp every now and then and severe cellulitis on my right lower calf last January 2011 that required hospitalization and a minor operation. These are just physical difficulties I went through and I haven't even talked about the emotional and psychological effects I experienced but suffice it to say, I overcame all of those.
I also met many other persons living with HIV (PLWHIVs) - the politically correct term and it feels good to know and talk to those who have the medical condition as I have and see that they are going just great. :)
Listed below are things that have I accomplished since March 26, 2010:
1. I carried out my personal advocacy of helping spread HIV and Aids awareness by joining Philippine-based forums on the topic and sharing what I know about the medical condition.
2. Advised other PLWHIVs, especially those newly-diagnosed, and family members of PLWHIVs, through email, calls, text, face-to-face counseling or peer support as some call it.
3. Practiced what I learned in the self-empowerment seminar I attended in June last year to help me cope with the emotional and physical challenges relative to my status.
4. Linked up with non-government groups like Pinoy Plus and the Youth Aids Filipinas Alliance (Yafa) and I now serve as a consultant of the latter organization. I conducted a seminar on Understanding the Media for the youth ambassadors who were trained by Yafa last January.
And how am I doing so far? I am great - just great! Indeed, being HIV-positive is not a death sentence. I am living proof that despite my status, those with the same medical condition as I have can still lead happy, "normal" and productive lives. The adjustment period (physical and emotional) can be daunting, especially for the newly-diagnosed but it will pass. Believe me, I've been there, done that. :)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Almost a year
Three days to go and I mark my 1st anniversary as a HIV-positive individual on March 26. I am still gathering my thoughts and write them down when that day comes.
So far, I am doing just fine. :)
So far, I am doing just fine. :)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
When forgetting can be a good thing
It was on March 26 or six months and one and a half weeks ago when I learned that I had this nasty virus in my system and for the next several weeks after that fateful day, I went through a range of emotions - grief, anger, guilt, self-pity, numbness....been there, done that, so to speak.
Even if I had been counseled and briefed by the nurse who talked to me after I was told of the reactive result of the rapid test, I was scared shit of what's in store for me. Will I live a "normal" life from then on? Am I going to die anytime soon? What will my family and friends say if they knew? How could I have allowed this to happen? So many questions in my mind that needed answers. Good thing my partner was there to comfort me as he continuously assured me that nothing has changed and he is standing by me despite my medical condition.
But everything just fell in the right places and at the right time. I was living a "normal" life again by seeing to it that I adhere to my medical regimen and to a healthy lifestyle. There were minor setbacks but I overcame them. Circumstances happened that allowed me to come out to my family and to selected friends in and out of the gay community and in return, I got so much love and support from them. I have embarked and continue to carry out my personal advocacy for HIV/Aids awareness in my own little way. It warms my heart whenever I am told or when I receive email from pozzies and those who are negative of the virus how much I inspire them after reading my blog. Being able to assist pozzies, especially the new ones who need advice, guidance, assurance and encouragement, makes me happy and bring a smile to my face.
Right now, I can say I have happily embraced my health status. The proof of it is that there are times I even forget that I am HIV-positive. This is one instance when forgetting can be a good thing. It is the minor ailments related to my medical condition and scheduled visits to my treatment hub that remind me of it - that "bring me back to earth."
The bottom-line is that inspite of this challenge, I am moving on with life.
Even if I had been counseled and briefed by the nurse who talked to me after I was told of the reactive result of the rapid test, I was scared shit of what's in store for me. Will I live a "normal" life from then on? Am I going to die anytime soon? What will my family and friends say if they knew? How could I have allowed this to happen? So many questions in my mind that needed answers. Good thing my partner was there to comfort me as he continuously assured me that nothing has changed and he is standing by me despite my medical condition.
But everything just fell in the right places and at the right time. I was living a "normal" life again by seeing to it that I adhere to my medical regimen and to a healthy lifestyle. There were minor setbacks but I overcame them. Circumstances happened that allowed me to come out to my family and to selected friends in and out of the gay community and in return, I got so much love and support from them. I have embarked and continue to carry out my personal advocacy for HIV/Aids awareness in my own little way. It warms my heart whenever I am told or when I receive email from pozzies and those who are negative of the virus how much I inspire them after reading my blog. Being able to assist pozzies, especially the new ones who need advice, guidance, assurance and encouragement, makes me happy and bring a smile to my face.
Right now, I can say I have happily embraced my health status. The proof of it is that there are times I even forget that I am HIV-positive. This is one instance when forgetting can be a good thing. It is the minor ailments related to my medical condition and scheduled visits to my treatment hub that remind me of it - that "bring me back to earth."
The bottom-line is that inspite of this challenge, I am moving on with life.
Monday, April 12, 2010
A new life
So much has happened today... and I have come up with a new goal in life - now that I have been diagnosed as positive for the human immunodeficiency virus or HIV.
Let me relate the events that transpired before what happened today.
It was past 10 p.m. on March 2 and I was at work (I am on night shift) when I felt stabbing pain on my torso's upper left side. Thinking that maybe it was because of the electric fan at my back, I turned the thing off but the pain didn't subside. The pain only moved from the upper left side to the upper left part of my chest and then it would go to my upper left back. I decided to go on half-day and then went home. I told my partner to massage the part which hurt and it somewhat subsided but later on, I had fever. The next day, March 3, I had a massage as suggested by my landlady. The pain went away after a few hours, only to recur with greater intensity. I first observed if the pain would subside but when it didn't, I decided to go to a hospital where I eventually got confined. My attending physicians ruled that I had pneumonia so I was prescribed antibiotics and paracetamol for my fever, which at one point, reached 41.0. I was discharged from the hospital on March 8. In the meantime, a friend of mine suggested that I get tested for HIV since pneumonia is an opportunistic infection that can befall a "pozzie." He knew what my sexlife was because I was that open to him and I admit I've engaged in unprotected sex before I met my partner.
So, off we went - my partner and I - to the Manila Social Hygiene Clinic infront of the San Lazaro Hospital early morning of March 26. I wasn't nervous at all prior to taking the test. The personnel were friendly and accommodating. My partner and I each filled out a form, counseled separately by Ate Lucy and then blood was extracted from us for the rapid HIV antibody test. After a few minutes, the results came in. My partner was called first by Ate Lucy and in less than three minutes, he came out of the counseling room and then it was my turn. Ate Lucy informed me that i was reactive while my partner was non-reactive. Reactive meant that I MAY have HIV antibodies in my blood so I need to give another blood sample for confirmatory tests. The results will be released after a week or two. I was dumbfounded. I could hear Ate Lucy still telling me things but I wasn't paying any attention to her. I asked Ate Lucy to inform my partner about my results. It was then I broke down and I couldn't stop crying even after we left the clinic.
From the clinic, my partner and I went to Greenbelt chapel where I poured my heart out to God and then had confession. But never did I blame God for what happened or entertained thoughts of exacting revenge. I didn't even bother to recall who infected me. What for? My partner broke down as well during our talk in the chapel. If there is anything I am thankful for is that he is sticking it out with me, no matter what, and he still loves me as much as before. I am also thankful he was non-reactive but then again, he is not exactly out of the woods, so to speak, as he has to go back to the clinic in June for another test.
So, for the days and weeks that followed until today, I went through a gamut of emotions - from denial to self-pity and then to acceptance.
Last April 8, my partner informed me that my confirmatory test results have arrived at the social hygiene clinic but since it was already evening and the next day was a holiday, I will get to read it on Monday. Oh well, since I was able to wait for more than 2 weeks, three more days of waiting won't be much. But mind you, I was getting apprehensive already. And then Monday came. I was nervous on our way to the clinic. The clinic staff gave me my results in a sealed envelope, which I opened when I was inside the counseling room. The EIA and Western Blot tests showed that I was positive for HIV. Surprisingly, I was calm and collected when I read the results. So was my partner. I didn't even cry. Perhaps because I already psyched myself to prepare for the worst while still hoping for the best. But I was sad and I was quiet for the most part of the trip to Greenbelt chapel and to home. I was also pondering on how to break the news to my sisters - the remaining members of my immediate family after our parents already passed away.
With this, I have resolved to be an advocate for safe sex and on HIV/Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (Aids).
Call it a coincidence but the day's Gospel was about Jesus talking about being born again. And for me, knowing my status is a rebirth as it came two days after my 43rd birthday. I have a new life to live. There will be challenges along the way but I know I can handle them.
Let me relate the events that transpired before what happened today.
It was past 10 p.m. on March 2 and I was at work (I am on night shift) when I felt stabbing pain on my torso's upper left side. Thinking that maybe it was because of the electric fan at my back, I turned the thing off but the pain didn't subside. The pain only moved from the upper left side to the upper left part of my chest and then it would go to my upper left back. I decided to go on half-day and then went home. I told my partner to massage the part which hurt and it somewhat subsided but later on, I had fever. The next day, March 3, I had a massage as suggested by my landlady. The pain went away after a few hours, only to recur with greater intensity. I first observed if the pain would subside but when it didn't, I decided to go to a hospital where I eventually got confined. My attending physicians ruled that I had pneumonia so I was prescribed antibiotics and paracetamol for my fever, which at one point, reached 41.0. I was discharged from the hospital on March 8. In the meantime, a friend of mine suggested that I get tested for HIV since pneumonia is an opportunistic infection that can befall a "pozzie." He knew what my sexlife was because I was that open to him and I admit I've engaged in unprotected sex before I met my partner.
So, off we went - my partner and I - to the Manila Social Hygiene Clinic infront of the San Lazaro Hospital early morning of March 26. I wasn't nervous at all prior to taking the test. The personnel were friendly and accommodating. My partner and I each filled out a form, counseled separately by Ate Lucy and then blood was extracted from us for the rapid HIV antibody test. After a few minutes, the results came in. My partner was called first by Ate Lucy and in less than three minutes, he came out of the counseling room and then it was my turn. Ate Lucy informed me that i was reactive while my partner was non-reactive. Reactive meant that I MAY have HIV antibodies in my blood so I need to give another blood sample for confirmatory tests. The results will be released after a week or two. I was dumbfounded. I could hear Ate Lucy still telling me things but I wasn't paying any attention to her. I asked Ate Lucy to inform my partner about my results. It was then I broke down and I couldn't stop crying even after we left the clinic.
From the clinic, my partner and I went to Greenbelt chapel where I poured my heart out to God and then had confession. But never did I blame God for what happened or entertained thoughts of exacting revenge. I didn't even bother to recall who infected me. What for? My partner broke down as well during our talk in the chapel. If there is anything I am thankful for is that he is sticking it out with me, no matter what, and he still loves me as much as before. I am also thankful he was non-reactive but then again, he is not exactly out of the woods, so to speak, as he has to go back to the clinic in June for another test.
So, for the days and weeks that followed until today, I went through a gamut of emotions - from denial to self-pity and then to acceptance.
Last April 8, my partner informed me that my confirmatory test results have arrived at the social hygiene clinic but since it was already evening and the next day was a holiday, I will get to read it on Monday. Oh well, since I was able to wait for more than 2 weeks, three more days of waiting won't be much. But mind you, I was getting apprehensive already. And then Monday came. I was nervous on our way to the clinic. The clinic staff gave me my results in a sealed envelope, which I opened when I was inside the counseling room. The EIA and Western Blot tests showed that I was positive for HIV. Surprisingly, I was calm and collected when I read the results. So was my partner. I didn't even cry. Perhaps because I already psyched myself to prepare for the worst while still hoping for the best. But I was sad and I was quiet for the most part of the trip to Greenbelt chapel and to home. I was also pondering on how to break the news to my sisters - the remaining members of my immediate family after our parents already passed away.
With this, I have resolved to be an advocate for safe sex and on HIV/Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (Aids).
Call it a coincidence but the day's Gospel was about Jesus talking about being born again. And for me, knowing my status is a rebirth as it came two days after my 43rd birthday. I have a new life to live. There will be challenges along the way but I know I can handle them.
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